do we HAVE to have a wedding party?

I haven't posted in here in a while and that is partly because I've been busy. Partly because I've been overwhelmed.

We've been working on a few things namely dance lessons and premarital counseling.
Lately, the need to get my bridal party together has been stressing me. I have 1 sister who is able to participate. However, the maid of honor let me know she doubted she'd be able to do it due to health concerns.

I asked someone else to be my matron of honor but she flat out refused. She mentioned all the work she'd have to be doing. She's recently had surgery (2 months ago) and felt she wouldn't be up to it. Even though I explained to her that I simply needed her to march down the aisle during the rehearsal the night before, and on the day of the wedding, she insisted that there would be additional duties which she could not handle, such as attending, planning a party. This is the same person who pushed herself to go back to work and has been back at her job for perhaps 3 weeks now.

I'm not having a party. I don't want/need one. The most I would want is to have brunch with a few people. Those people are dwindling fast.

My other sister will not be able to make it to the wedding at all because she will be starting school in another state the previous week. So I need a replacement for her. I have a cousin who might like to do it. But her Mom does not get along with the family.

Now add to that, the other bridesmaid is a little skittish. I don't know if she's shy, withdrawn, or just doesn't like me all that much. Texts and emails go unanswered. Facebook, regular email, whatever. Maybe I need to just plain call her? I'm shy too. Maybe I'll call her today because apparently this evening is the only time she can make it to go to a bridal salon to try on bridesmaids dresses. When did I find this out? Yesterday. Sigh.

When my Mom got married, she had 2 bridesmaids. Her sister and her sister's best friend. The sister passed away in '96. The "best friend" (there's a story there) doesn't speak to any of us anymore but had custody of the sister's adopted daughter until she turned 18 I guess (for about 2 years). The groom is long gone, since '89. And the pictures are all that remain.

Do we really need a wedding party?

:(

does wedding planning have to be this depressing? Why does the industry overwhelm us with their stuff, their requirements, all their assumptions?

When you look at DJ websites, they have a list of things you are supposed to do:

• couples first dance
• father daughter dance
• mother son dance
• garter belt toss
• bouquet toss (a big opportunity to try and irritate all unmarried women in the room under a certain age)
  

suppose someone's mother couldn't be there for whatever reason? Suppose someone doesn't get along with their father? Anyone whose situation is different is made to feel like a flat out weirdo. You had a wedding, except. . . [insert exception to the rule]. Suppose you want to carry a copy of your favorite poetry book with a single flower attached, instead of a bouquet--could you toss that?

As for bridesmaids--you must have them. How could you not? And you have to have between 6 and 10 of them and they must all dress the same. Or else you won't really be married.

I'm tired. Grumpy. I'm not really feeling this. I'm really feeling an elopement right now.

finally--information about the wedding

Hi Ladies,
please be on the lookout for an actual letter in the mail from me regarding the wedding. I promise I am mailing it off today!!! I know I've been stalling. Some people have been asking about colors for the longest. Sorry. It seemed scary so I put it off.

But I've got a lot of ideas and links and stuff. I know the colors and I know exactly what kind of look and feel we are going for. So I wrote everything up and sent you a color sample (not a swatch but a paint chip) of the general palette I'm working with.

So basically, within the color scheme, I am giving you free reign. I don't want you to buy a dress you will never wear again. So let me know once you receive the letter if it is helpful or if it is too much freedom. If you want me to lock you in to an exact style/color/manufacturer, I can do that. But I really would rather not.

Hope all is well with you. Please let me know if you have any questions at all or need any info or anything. Anything. My number is ###-###-####. My email is obvious.

Take Care,


PS I have made an attachment of sort of what I have in mind. And also a pic of what my dress looks like. I know those models are a little scary-looking. But it's what's out there.

dodged that bullet

Well, because of inclement weather, the photo shoot was postponed.
Meanwhile, I've been procrastinating on Save the date cards. Will get them out, soon. I promise.

Other than that, I see that we were wise to start saving for this whole wedding shindig. The guest list keeps getting longer. Oy. vey. But we are well on target with savings IMHO. Our wedding will be pricey but nowhere near the industry expectation.

Meanwhile I just have a few small concerns. Will the officiant we chose really be able to attend? The day of our wedding just happens to be communion at his church. He is the senior pastor and somehow I think the service at his church will miss something if he is not there. I hate to put him in the position of having to back out on us or make communion less than it ought to be. So I'm mildly concerned.

I'm also concerned about bridesmaids. I want to help them as much as possible to find dresses that suit them and are affordable. However, I feel the colors I've chosen aren't that popular--even though they are not wild (two shades of blue with purple accents). What to do? Well, stop procrastinating for one.

Final concern--a place to live. We don't have that much time. To plan the wedding it is enough time. But to find an apartment, we might need to start looking next month. I think that would be reasonable. Here's the other challenge. Where exactly do we want to live anyway?