:(

does wedding planning have to be this depressing? Why does the industry overwhelm us with their stuff, their requirements, all their assumptions?

When you look at DJ websites, they have a list of things you are supposed to do:

• couples first dance
• father daughter dance
• mother son dance
• garter belt toss
• bouquet toss (a big opportunity to try and irritate all unmarried women in the room under a certain age)
  

suppose someone's mother couldn't be there for whatever reason? Suppose someone doesn't get along with their father? Anyone whose situation is different is made to feel like a flat out weirdo. You had a wedding, except. . . [insert exception to the rule]. Suppose you want to carry a copy of your favorite poetry book with a single flower attached, instead of a bouquet--could you toss that?

As for bridesmaids--you must have them. How could you not? And you have to have between 6 and 10 of them and they must all dress the same. Or else you won't really be married.

I'm tired. Grumpy. I'm not really feeling this. I'm really feeling an elopement right now.

An idea

I thought we could do this for our tables--instead of numbers--each fruit of the spirit:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.


Another option is to put up pics of ourselves over the years


Yet another option is just to use numbers--hey, if it ain't broke. . .

so close and yet so far

The search for the perfect venue has taken us all over New York City and parts of Westchester too. It's been challenging, educational, tiresome, exciting--all those things. Needless to say we are both exhausted and I don't think I'd be stretching it to say neither of us likes the prospect of having to look at another place. I think we've seen 14 or 15 in all--and that's in person. Not to mention searching the internet and ruling out places we thought were in appropriate.

The wedding industry is big business and there are some industry standards. However, I have learned that you HAVE to get out of your house and look at the venue. You can't just look at their website and talk to them over the phone. Well you can but if you're picky (and we are picky) you'll be sorry in the end. One place that stated it had outdoor facilities available for the ceremony showed us a patio, which would have been fine, except it was about 100 feet away from a major street--exit off the interstate 87 North. I know people like to gawk at weddings, but I didn't want to be responsible for slow traffic off a highway exit. Another place had a little gazebo perched up on a hill that looked like a sheer drop into the Hudson River. Yet another place was trying to put 15 of our guests into a space that was the same size of my office cubicle. It's a large cubicle, but still.

One place we liked was about to start major construction that we couldn't be sure would have been finished by the time our date rolled around. They said May and we're saying August. But you know how contractors are. Still, that's where our friend Jelly, was working so we think maybe those contractors know what's good for them.

The prices mostly varied within 20 dollars of each other for the dates we looked at. But what you were getting for those prices made it necessary to sit down and do the math in order to have a good comparison. You could have 6 appetizers and three courses here for $55, vs. 5 appetizers three courses and a free cake over there for $75. Or you could have the whole shebang for $110 complete with ice sculptures, crudites (you know, veggies and dip), antipasto, and intermezzo (a small dish of something served in between courses such as sorbet before a heavy course of beef, fish, chicken--it cleanses the palate etc.) By the way, all our prices quotes were without alcohol. Don't think weddings in NYC are cheap.

All banquet and catering managers are not created equal. Some people were great on following up and paying attention to detail. Some were polished and very professional. One guy we were sure had just narrowly avoided a career as Jelly from Analyze This but we liked him. That was the thing. Some of these people, we just didn't like. Two guys in particular seemed to think their facility was too good for us. And in my mind I'm thinking, "hey, maybe you're right. How about I just take my cash somewhere it's appreciated". And other places where we just couldn't afford it, they were very polite, professional, understanding, never snooty, and even suggesting other places that we might want to look at. One guy, he should be teaching hospitality courses at the community college he was so good.

So we think we've finally settled on the place we were going to make our deposit at the other night. We took the contract home for closer inspection. We even showed it to uninvolved parties. But we weren't sure about dealing with a manager that seemed a little too snooty for our liking. At this point, I'm a little frustrated with looking but willing to look further. At the same time, I think this place is a good value, good location, and suits our style. So maybe I'll save up my patience and spread it out over the next 8 months rather than starting back at square one.

up late

I'm up late and now I'm hungry. I should have just tried to sleep even though I didn't want to.
I had some ideas for the reception that I wanted to get down before I forgot. Some are ideas I found elsewhere but still--

print large numbers on patterned paper in heavy/colored ink--cut and place in frames--place frame on table (give frames away)

paint wooden numbers in your wedding colors

cover small boxes with satin in wedding colors and then place flowers in jars and into boxes

also, what I wanted to capture but couldn't was a color combination that is hard to explain--blue flowers (maybe iris), with cream/pale yellow roses, and sage green greenery--with a few bits of purple--from lavender or something like that.

Reception Ideas

1. Polaroid photos of our guests which they can sign
   
2. incorporate a cultural tradition such as a cake procession or traditional fabric for bridesmaids flower holders
   
3. Use family heirlooms in the decorations. Try to find antique pieces which your great grandmothers used at their wedding or rather on a day to day basis and incorporate it. Perhaps I don't have any family heirlooms but photos will work just fine in very classy frames
4. A groom's cake that reflects his hobby!!!